Caught In the Undertow

There will be times when you want to break down and cry, times when you want to fall asleep and never wake up again. But that doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human. And that’s beautiful, too.

People always told me that I could be anything I wanted. But they were wrong. I could never be your girl.

It’s been a whole year since I’ve met you. It was the best year of my life. And also the worst. We broke up and got back together so many times, I lost track, just like I lost track of all the countless girls you dated while we were broken up. I see you’re in a relationship with someone else now, someone other than me. I’ll never understand why you just let me go. Why didn’t you fight for me? It’s so hard knowing you’re with someone else after all the shit you put me through. You used to tell me you love me every day. And look where we are now. You don’t even know I exist anymore. And you probably don’t even care. Happy one year anniversary, Eli. I hope karma’s a bitch to you.

You remind a lot of Eli. He always just got up and left whenever he pleased. Then he’d come back without an explanation, without an apology. The things you say, the way you act, every single little thing you do reminds me of him. But I fell harder and deeper for you, and we were never together. And I don’t blame you. I’m an emotional wreck. I care too much. I over-think everything. Who would want to be with me?

I’m sitting here against the wall just like I do every night, staring at the part of my bed that you slept in. The pillows you laid on, the blanket you used, just that entire spot. It’s empty, like you were never even there, as if you don’t even exist. That night you came over and stayed meant everything to me. It still does. But it’s just a memory. That’s all you are now. And it’s slowly tearing me apart.